Time passes by really fast and here I am, back in hostel and started my fourth year of medical school two weeks ago. Everything is still pretty chaotic at the moment and it is heart breaking to realise that there are couple of the familiar faces not appearing in the lecture theatre for they have not made it this far. While some have decided to repeat the year, several of them drop out from the course and venture into different fields (perhaps). I would have to admit that for the past two weeks the schedule was really packed and dull; we literally have to attend lectures from 9 in the morning till 4.30 in the evening with an hour break in between. The topics covered are somewhat similar with the ones I learn during second year.

However, we will need to explore those topics in-depth and discuss about the minute details that go along with them. All in all, I think that it is still manageable but I am just pretty worn out both physically and mentally as I have enjoyed my summer break without revising a single thing. That definitely makes my mind a little rusty. Also, I have been annoyed by this sudden back pain which has been occurring since a week ago. Well, it is more a like a soreness initially but for the pass few days I feel a sharp pain whenever I try to bend forward. Hopefully it is just a mechanical back pain and nothing serious is going on. I believe everything will be all right. Thank you for sticking till this far and do let me know how's your day in the comment box below! Till then, au revoir.

Image Source: pillowfights.gr

It happens to be D day of the month for the scary mosler examination again. However, this time, it is the infectious disease month where we will be assessed for our knowledge and competency in this area (or so i thought). So the story goes like this. while I am prepared for most of the common infectious cases in the hospital, I got a patient who is admitted to the hospital for having infection that causes him to have cough, shortness of breath and fever.

After I have gathered information and done examination on the patient, I discussed my case with the examiner. After giving few respiratory differential diagnoses, the examiner is actually waiting for me to give him some cardiovascular diagnoses instead, which I do not see it coming at all. Of course, being the most eloquent and prepared student I am, I stuttered and was not able to answer part of the questions. Perhaps I am not that prepared after all for I thought that the exam will be focused only on infectious diseases. Hence, I am told that I am incompetent (I accept that) for the knowledge part and so, I fail the mosler today.

"That feeling when you have not been sad for a really long time, and you feel really empty and pain in the inside when it hits you."

First of all, I do not even know how am I supposed to react. My "Windows 99" brain is practically still processing and interpreting everything that has just occurred. I come to realisation that I have not been sad for a really long time and it hits me pretty badly this time. Being a medical student, I am fully aware that I am going through the 5 stages of grief, namely the denial, anger, bargain, depression and acceptance stages. Well, the transition of the stages goes faster than I think it would be. To be honest, I restrict myself to be sad for few hours although I know that the recovery process should take a little bit longer than that only because it is useless to cry over spilt milk.

While I am on the verge of breaking down during depression stage, I remember the reason I barely weep all these years. It is the aftermath that I am mostly worried about for there tends to be small red spots appearing below my eyes each time when I cry since I am a child. As hideous as it sounds, the spots will only disappear after two to three days and I will have to make up explanations to people who question me about the hideous red spots.

"I like to pretend that everything's alright. Because when everybody else thinks you're fine, sometimes you forget fora while that you're not."

Soon after the stages, I decide to tell my close group of friends about it before they hear the news from others and think that I am really really sad and depress to even tell them. Probably it is my nature for not wanting either of them to see me being sad which cause them to feel sad and sorry for me. Also, I do not want to be the one affecting the group from being happy for they pass their mosler and celebrate it. It definitely takes a while for me to gather myself and stay calm. Well, it is just a sad day but life goes on. Hopefully the day will get better tomorrow. Till then, au revoir!

Image Source: kelseylmanders.wordpress.com

Well hello there! It has been a while since I wrote the previous blog entry. While it might sounds as an excuse, I was in fact enjoying each and every second of my summer holiday. I was travelling to several places during these three months as well as taking the opportunity to do things that I have always wanted to do. As you can see, I have taken the time to finally update my blog with new template! I am not trying to say that I dislike my previous template, but I have preference towards blog templates with minimalist designs. Having said that, I like simple yet functional templates. After searching through hundreds, if not more, free blog templates, I have finally found one which I adore! Unfortunately I forgot to take a screenshot of my previous template and attach it to this post so that you can see the differences. Nevertheless, I have to admit that the new template is not fully complete and I will have to adjust several things to make it more presentable.